Anakin's Guide to
Picking Up Women
in the Galaxy
First, you gotta pick out who you're going after. I like women of authority, queens and senators and stuff.
First impressions are key. Try to use a line like "Are you an angel?" or if its been a while, "You have
grown... more beautiful, I mean." If it comes out weird, cover it up with something smooth like "For a
senator, I mean." Chicks dig stuff like that.
Gotta make sure you impress the ladies. Try things like slicing poisonous centipedes off her neck, or fighting
off giant alien execution monsters. Be sure to pull out the light saber whenever possible. Chicks dig guys with
swords. Also, draw parallels between her and features commonly identified as
feminine(softness, smoothness, soothingness, well containedness). Chicks dig
compliments. Show that you are skilled in the ways of riding large
grazing creatures. Bonus: Pretend to get hurt, and then use
as a make-out opportunity when she runs up to check on you.
If you find yourself in the situation that you have been pining for this girl since you were like 8 and she was
way older that you, make sure she realizes that you have grown up. Use lines like "I have grown up." This will
get her interested. Chicks dig older guys. Making her uncomfortable is good! No means yes.
Once you got her attention, you gotta keep playing your cards right. Don't be afraid to show off your emotional
side. Chicks dig sensitive guys. Crying is always a plus. It's all
about the trembling lower lip. Chicks dig that. Get a little
poetic, too. Say stuff like "The kiss you shouldn't have given
me is in my very soul, tormenting me!" Oh yeah. Chicks
dig guys who talk like that.
If you've followed all the steps so far, by now you should have the chicks lining up. If not, review the
steps carefully. If there are still no results, you are beyond my help.
I can offer you nothing. Expect a miserable and unfulfilling existence.
Practice my last line from Revenge of the Sith.
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